Skiing mon amour

Back at work today with a little bit of a hangover as I had a nice beer evening in Bishop's Arms - a British pub right in the centre of Stockholm yesterday. My beer friend for the evening was no other than my eternal fling who I have chosen to ignore lately as he is so bad at getting in touch - but of course he called me and I couldn't say no. We had a nice evening talking about travelling, literature, tattooes, parents, parenthood, games, moustaches and skiing. It turns out - to my great joy- that he also likes skiing and happens to have some cousins living in the north of Sweden close to some very nice slopes so we started planning a little weekend trip there together in February. Should be nice (if it happens) and maybe then and outside of skiing hours I have to make him drink excessive amounts of alcohol and then seduce him as this non-happening potential love story has definitely been going on for too long.

Light therapy, UNO and great friends

We are back from a wonderful week in Bümplitz, Switzerland and Meina, Italy. It was a nice break from all routines and the grey, rainy weather Stockholm had to offer just before Christmas. Now we/I fell strengthened and ready to take on a new, exciting year. My son tried to ski for the first time in Lenk and loved it - we pretended that he was a skiing dinosaur of course. The sun was strong and warm in Switzerland and the snow perfect. I also greatly enjoyed it - although my legs and back were killing me - talk about being untrained- so my promise to myself for next year will have to be to be more active in the slopes or elsewhere in order to stay more fit and energized. It was of course also great to see our old friends again. We had lots of wine, played the card game UNO like maniacs (my brother always a winner, I always the loser...) and just relaxed and talked. We also made a short visit to my Italian friend's cottage by Lake Maggiore. What a romantic place with a fantastic view of the lake. I am very glad we took the time to go although my son threw up in the car and we almost got snowed in overnight. I also saw the classic film Sunset Boulevard (1950) for the first time in my life too. Now, back in la bella Svezia and I am taking it very easy. Hanging out with the cats Svante and Margie on the sofa, drinking coffee, having baths, while my son is with his father. It's great to be alone too sometimes!

Switzerland here we come

In Switzerland there is a lot of snow at the moment so we cannot wait to go there! My son keeps saying we are going to Spain but that is probably because that is the only holiday he remembers he had (in the summer). It will be wonderful to catch up with old friends and to be in the great outdoors. It feels as if I have spent the entire autumn in an office without any daylight or physical activity so I am really looking forward to a change of scenery. This week has gone by very fast. On Tuesday was the funeral of my uncle Egon which was a beautiful and sad event. Yesterday my aunt came to see us for a short visit. I think that that is what Christmas is all about: spending quality time with friends and family. For New Year's Eve we're going to see my sister who lives in a house on an island -Asperö - outside Gothenburg - that will be lovely too. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE - TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER!

A new life

About ten days ago a new life came into the world: little Gaia! She's Kristel and Yoel's second daughter, born in Barcelona. Welcome to Gaia!

The great tiredness

I have been struck by the great tiredness. I think it happened about a week ago and this week I have cancelled all my appointments as I am just too tired and boring to be able to meet up with friends. I did go to a christmas dinner with work on Tuesday but I hardly opened my mouth and nearly fell asleep at the table so by half past eight it was time to go home and sleep. Usually I am a little worn-out this time a year but this year it is almost a joke as I cannot open my eyes when the alarm clock rings. I seriously ONLY want to be in the house and eat, watch TV, read books, kiss Max and sleep. I think the fact that I have had three new jobs in the past four years has started to catch up on me. I just want to have a holiday now. But apparently I am not the only one in this state of mind, if that's any comfort. The metro is full of worn-out people with empty eyes and outside it's raining and dark so no wonder everyone is miserable. Next year I'll definitely buy a trip to a warm country this time of year...

The sky can wait

On Swedish television there is a documentary series at the moment called The Sky can wait which portrays five people who have been given a diagnosis with a deadly outcome. For instance, one man of 42 has MND -motor neuron disease- and one 31 year old woman has breast cancer that has spread. This documentary is very positive I have to say. First I was a little afraid to watch the programme as this is difficult to take in but it is very important to let oneself think of death sometime, one's own and others. Yesterday the programme had the title "everything is as usual, nothing is as usual". Many of the people in the programme have children and one of the women has been ill since her son was six months. How do you handle a thing like that? She said on the programme that she often felt tired and sad but that she did not want to show it and that she did not know if she was going to watch her son grow up... how hard! I have to say that Swedish television is doing a good job showing what is is like to be given a diagnosis and yet continue living with great hope and courage and defy the state of ill health. (photo: www.charlotteaberg.com)

Karachi wine

During a dinner with several dentists from Pakistan last night I learnt that in Karachi you bring wine in a plastic bag to the restaurant. The wine is then poured into a teapot and is then not illegal to drink as it has then been turned into tea and is no longer considered wine. I know very little of Pakistan and was surprised how freespoken my table partners were about their lives there. My table partners told me that "everyone" (read: the rich and well-educated) live in appartment complexes with swimming-halls, sport facilities and food stores. You never leave these "clubs" as they are called without taking a car and a security guard with you. You never walk around in the centre so to speak as it is not safe, especially not if you are a foreigner and/or a woman. A few years back a couple of exchange students dared to leave the club to go climbing in the mountains and they had Malaria so that was not recommended as my new acquaintances pointed out. The evening was rather exciting. We had fantastic food and the conversation and wine flowed for four hours. These type of international encounters are beautiful and memorable. After dinner I had a phone call from my diabolical ex-housemate who is now back in town but that is another story!

On being bitter

Today, or rather all week I have been feeling rather bitter. It is not a nice feeling and very unlike me I must add. I have just been feeling this way because of recent events and it's not a big deal and I am sure it will pass within a day or two, but sometimes we must be allowed to feel bitter I guess. On Saturday I threw an Advent party for my friends and on the day itself about fifteen friends /acquaintances sent text messages that they were unable to make it. Also not to mention the 5-10 people who did not get in touch at all to confirm if they were coming or not. OK I understand on a cold November evening that many people have colds and depressions and/or do not feel like leaving the house but almost 20 people is a bit much... this thing though is not the only reason for my sudden bitterness but let's say I have run out of energy to organise social events so don't count on me from now on.

Friday, soon a new year

Finally Friday, and soon the end of the month AGAIN. I cannot believe it is December and that 2008 soon is over. Thank god, I would have to say because this year has been very tough for many of my friends and family; deaths, separations and divorces. A few newborns and a few happy couples but not enough to compensate for all the negativeness. Tomorrow I am having a "glögg" party with some friends to celebrate first Advent which is on Sunday so that should be nice. Next year has got to be better.

Hanging on the telephone

A few days ago I had a preliminary "date" with the man I fancy and on that day I did not hear a single word from him- no sms, no email, no phone call. As this has happened before with him I was not surprised, but disappointed. How hard is it in this day and age if you change your plans to just send an sms? Apparently very difficult... I spoke to him this morning and he told me he had been staying overnight with friends and had no credit on his phone, but when you agree to get in touch to arrange to meet, why don't you? I have many male friends in my close circle and many of them seem to have a big problem with getting in touch in a timely manner. Phone calls are never made, sms messages are left unanswered and appointments are cancelled without notification. It saddens me as I am a great communicator and find my friends very important - so TO ME it means something when we agree to get in touch or to meet. Apparently it does not mean as much to many of the people I know - a shame. In this particular case I was a little more disappointed than usual as I want us to be more than just friends (which he doesn't know about) but I think I will just have to learn that promises don't mean much and "let's get in touch" should not be taken so seriously, not with some at least.

The Dora effect

My son who is now four is getting Spanish lessons in the nursery once a week and his father is trying to speak Spanish with him on a regular basis but my son has shown no interest whatsoever in learning the language. He only wants to speak Swedish and has even become angry when I or anyone else have asked him what certain words are in Spanish or in English. Until now I should say as now he has discovered Dora the Explorer, which are computer games and films where a little dark-haired girl speaks both Spanish and English and asks the player/viewer to repeat her words and expressions. To my great joy this Dora character has made my son really interested in languages all of a sudden and yesterday he asked me what different words in Swedish were called in Spanish and English! I am so glad that he can take this with him, that is learning languages at such an early age - he will have so much for free later on. Talk about Dora effect!

Uncle Edon

After having days and weeks of feeling great and meeting with wonderful close friends and having a sense that my life is finally on the right track again, I received a phone call from my cousin yesterday who told me her father, my uncle had died of cardiac arrest. It was as if time stopped. It is just so hard when someone you care about is pulled away like that and you know you will not see them again. I thought about my cousins and my aunt yesterday, of the difficult times they are going to have to go through now -exactly what I went through with my mum three years ago. Even my son was saddened by the news as he was very close with my uncle and loved having chats with him whenever they met. He asked me, "is uncle Edon (as he called him. His real name was Egon but my son cannot say "g" properly) with my grandmother now? - I don't want that!" Well, I don't want that either...

Oh my god I am soooo old...

I was sitting in the train on my way from work the other day and next to me were three blond girls with lots of make-up, aged 20. One of them said "oh my god I am turning 21 next week, I cannot believe how old I am! It's terrible!" The other girls agreed. Then one of them said "now that we are turning 21 we cannot get filthy drunk anymore like we used to - we're just going to be too old for that kind of behaviour" - the others nodded. I was just sitting there laughing quitely to myself when I thought - but if they are old when they are 21, what am I at 38- ancient? And I am not allowed to get drunk either at my age...oops!

Ode to family

Yesterday my brother came to my house for dinner and it was lovely to see him. He and my son now have great contact so that is wonderful to see, and important. I thought of how my family has actually grown in the last few years. First, it decreased drastically since my mum who was the heart of the family disappeared, and then even more as I divorced my husband, but now my family has grown again as I have closer contact with siblings, friends, cousins, aunts and uncles and friends of my mum. It is lovely - and I can see how my son loves to be surrounded by warm, caring people who do not fit the classical picture of a typical family but by being so close and present in our lives are so important to us. Hurrah for family!

A funny mama

On Saturday my godson (4,5 years old) spent the whole day with me and my son (4) and we had a great time. We played charades, memory and computer games (Dora the Explorer) and went to the playground. At around 5.30 pm we sat down to have dinner and my godson said "oh it's so quiet and cosy here, and even the cats are eating - what a lovely dinner!" and my son nodded in agreement. Then my godson spotted the painting on the wall- a pink painting with a woman with big breasts."Oh look at the funny mama on the wall- why does she look so strange?" Well, I told him she has quite big breasts. "Oh why does she have such big breasts?" Well, some women do was my vague answer. And both boys looked at each other and burst into laughter; "big breasts, how funny!" (Note: The painting in this item is not the painting in question but by my friend Sebastian Chedal.)

Sweet Sofa

Last night I went out with my ex-colleagues from my job at the University. We had a great night that started at Roxy http://www.roxysofo.se/ which is a bar/ restaurant in the bohemian, southern part of Stockholm Södermalm. After a few drinks at Roxy we headed off to one of the guy's bachelor pads close by, and ended the evening there. It was a nice night. Full of nostalgic 90's music, red wine and great conversation. And the best thing of all- next to me in the white sofa of the bachelor pad was the man I fancy! We had such a blast. All I can remember is that we were talking and laughing all night (until 3 am). That's a good sign isn't it? ;-) I did have some competition in the shape of a 27-year-old black-haired girl who was desperately trying to speak to "my man" but he swiftly moved away from her a few times until she got the hint (hopefully). Oh how wonderful to spend the night in the sweet sofa with a nice man... guess who woke up with a smile!

O for Obama

On the morning after the presidential elections in the States I had to cry a little - out of happiness- because America had voted for a black man for president. If I did not have to go to work I would have spent the entire day in front of the TV watching his speech and people's reactions in the streets. Thank you for getting rid of George W Bush and for giving us hope for CHANGE with a president who can at least express himself well in comparison to his predecessor.

A peek into the future

Two weeks ago I went to a medium called Anita. I had not seen her for 2,5 years and last time I was there I spent one hour crying as I was in a bad patch after the death of my mother and in the midst of a bad relationship. Everything she said that time has been correct so I decided to go and see her again after 2,5 years and had a completely different experience from the last time I was there. This is a woman who does not know anything about me, only my first name, and yet managed to be so right in the things she could "see" in the cards laying before us.

This time she said she could see a lot of love around me, from friends and family and from men. She said I had a determined young son (true!), that I loved my new job (true!) and my flat (true!) but that I had thought of moving. I told her my mortgage was too high and that's why I have considered moving and she said she could not see that that would happen.

She saw three men (in the romantic sense) in my life. One man wanted to be a part of my life much more than he was now but I had closed that door and the second one wanted to get back in my life and regretted we were no longer together and the third one liked me very much and she could see that the feeling was mutual and that there was a lot of laughter and love surrounding our encounters and that we would start a relationship in the winter. All I had to do was make a move, as she put it.

The medium also said she could see my father with a "dark" woman next to him. She continued by saying that I did not like this dark woman and that the woman was very sad that we did not have a good relationship. Anita also saw that the relationship between my brother and my father was not the best and that they had to improve our relationship. She said it was essential I spoke to my father about everything that had happened after my mum died and explained to his partner that it was not her fault things had turned out the way they had but that my dad, my brother and I had to solve whatever was unresolved in our relationship.

It was a good meeting we had, and now I have many things to thing about and primarily two tasks: seduce the man I fancy and talk to my father and his partner. Neither of which are easy so wish me good luck!

And then it went quiet...

A few days ago I took my 4-year-old son to the annual check-up at the hospital and as soon as we entered the doors of the hospital he decided there was no point in talking at all. The visit lasted about 45 minutes but felt like two hours. He hardly answered when the nurse asked him to tell her what he could see in the pictures she held in front of him, and when he had to wear headphones for the hearing test he simply refused. I stated "normally he talks a lot", but she looked very doutbful and told me she thought it was a good idea to send him to a speech therapist! This is a boy who normally talks a lot to the point where you think it's too much and who is sociable beyond anything I have seen before but apparently this doesn't apply to every day because this was the day when it all went very quiet...

Date with myself

Yesterday I had a date with myself. I can recommend it. Firstly, I went to yoga class. It was wonderful and long overdue. Then at home I made a lovely dinner and then some popcorns, a cup of rooibostea and watched a film I got from the library: The Illusionist with one of my favourite actors Edward Norton. It was a great evening. A cup of tea and a lazy evening on the couch with a cat on my lap was all I needed to recharge!

It is never how we want it (in love)

A few weeks ago I went with my friends S and E (high school friend who found me via Facebook last year)to the bar Söders Hjärta http://www.sodershjarta.se/ to have some wine and chat. We had a very nice evening and S and I were talking (before E turned up) about how hard it is to find a good man and that it happens so often that when one likes someone that person rarely likes one back or vice versa. And... I got proof of this before the evening had ended because when S had left, E thought it was a good idea to head home already at 9 pm and I thought to myself "great" because usually when we meet up the evening ends at 2 am in a drunken state with a working-day coming up so I was happy to leave on time. So we started leaving the bar when E firmly took my hand and started walking in the direction of the buses to my house and I thought "hey what's happening here?" so I asked him in a surprised voice; "you don't live anywhere close to my house so where are you going?" How are you going to get home?" And he looked very defeated all of a sudden and said he could always take another bus. And I left him there and hurried to get my bus and afterwards I thought, of course, he wanted to come with me home, and unfortunately I don't like him IN THAT WAY, but I like someone else - as usual.

My diabolical flatmate

For nine months I had a flatmate from France staying at my house and he caused many heated discussions among my friends and raised many thoughts with me. Except that he had no social competence whatsoever and did not eat nor sleep, he played Baroque music all night long as well as voted for Front National and tried to seduce my sister as well as poision my cats. As you may well understand he is no longer my flatmate but yesterday I was suddenly reminded of his existence when there was an envelope in my mailbox with his name on it. As I am so immoral I quickly opened the envelope and found a magazine with the title Diabolica or something similar and it seemed to be addressed to all Satan worshippers of Sweden! Well, I never stop being surprised of this 25-year-old who had his studies financied by a 50-year-old lesbian friend of the family and who sent a letter to all his relatives to announce that he was very unhappy with his childhood... and in spite of all the above I cannot help thinking that my life was so much more exciting when I had such a strange flatmate and that it is a lot more undramatic with a nice girl from Norrköping for a flatmate.